Building a Bond: Love for Your Babies After Birth
- Bethany Varndell-Dawes
- Jan 13
- 4 min read
Establishing a strong bond with your baby after birth can be a difficult but also, an incredibly rewarding journey.
Welcoming a tiny human (or two!) into the world is supposed to be like a scene from a fairy tale, bursting with joy and love. When I discovered I was expecting, my heart did backflips and I fell instantly in love with my growing bundle of joy and then—surprise, surprise!—I found out I was having twins! I was obviously shocked but also so incredibly elated. I daydreamed about snuggling them endlessly, breathing in that heavenly newborn scent, and gazing at their adorable little faces.
I am all about being honest and true in telling my story and this is quite hard to write about but reality can be a wild ride! I didn’t exactly feel like a love-struck mama at first glance. Instead, I felt a twinge of sadness for my pregnant days gone by, I guess on some level it was a kind of grief. When those squishy little aliens were thrust upon me I barely had time to process it all before they made their grand entrance! I think it was primarily to do with the fact that the boys were delivered via c-section, my hormones didn't really have a chance to kick in I guess. Honestly, it was like checking in for a flight and suddenly finding myself a mum less than 15 minutes later—total sci-fi vibes! Love? More like I was so hungry, dazed and in a state of shock while some stranger was giving my nipple a workout to help the babies latch! It was very surreal, all very alien and nothing really prepared me for it. For that lack of love or for that instant survival mode to kick in.
The bond between a parent and their newborn is crucial for the child's emotional and psychological development and I had nothing but guilt and worry that it wasn't there straight away. Looking back, of course I loved the boys with every ounce of my being but it ebbed and flowed like the sea, as I adjusted to this new normal. It wasn't a constant by any means and I think it took about a month or two to really feel that overwhelming love. What hit me hardest? The guilt that I bonded quicker with one twin than the other. Feeding struggles, sleepless nights, and a sprinkle of fear made it a real challenge to connect with both on the same level.
Here are some key aspects to consider when fostering this bond:
1. Skin-to-Skin Contact
Immediately after birth, engaging in skin-to-skin contact can help establish a strong connection. This practice promotes warmth, comfort, and security for the baby, while also enhancing the mother's feelings of love and attachment. I had the twins under my night shirt for the first week as often as I could whilst in hospital- I was desperate to feel that love and having them close to me offered both of us comfort in those first hours.
2. Responsive Parenting
Being attentive to your baby's needs is vital. Responding promptly to cries, coos, and cues fosters trust and reinforces the bond. This responsiveness helps the baby feel secure and valued. I found this incredibly hard, not just because there were two, but because they cried all the time. Both boys had tongue tie so we had feeding issues from the start which just added to the overwhelm, but we somehow managed and it was all okay. I will talk about this further in another blog post, but I would highly recommend going private for a feeding, tongue-tie specialist. The reassurance and guidance was monumental in changing my feelings of fight or flight to patience and perseverance.
3. Eye Contact
Making eye contact during feeding and other interactions can deepen emotional connections. Babies are naturally drawn to faces, and maintaining eye contact helps them feel recognised and loved. This is an easy one, I literally spent so many hours staring at my babies, in awe of their newborn faces, their delicate skin and listening to their beautiful noises. I was captivated by them.
4. Talking and Singing
Engaging in conversations, even if your baby cannot respond yet, is beneficial. Singing lullabies or talking softly can soothe the baby and create a sense of familiarity and warmth. This has never stopped, I love singing to the twins and to pass the time whilst they were newborn I would sing and read aloud to them. It was a way of coping with the loneliness in those early days so it benefited me as well as them.
5. Physical Touch
Gentle touches, cuddling, and holding your baby close can significantly enhance bonding. Physical affection releases oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," which strengthens emotional connections. Getting a twin sling was a game changer, this meant I could keep them close to me regularly and didn't need to choose one over the other when they needed comfort. It also gave me flexibility to move around freely without worry of leaving them alone for a few minutes.
6. Establishing Routines
Creating consistent routines around feeding, bathing, and bedtime helps your baby feel secure. Predictability fosters a sense of safety and trust in the parent-child relationship. With twins, I really feel this is the key to keeping your sanity, we worked really hard to establish a synchronised routine, it meant that there was downtime for us as parents to see to our own needs; shower, hot drink and a bite to eat.
7. Shared Activities
Engaging in activities such as reading or playing can help deepen your bond. These shared moments create lasting memories and enhance emotional connections.
8. Patience and Understanding
Building a bond takes time. Be patient with yourself and your baby as you navigate this new relationship. Understanding that every baby is unique will help you respond to their individual needs. As I said, it took me a while to build that bond. I was in instant survival mode but it does come, so be kind to yourself.
Conclusion
Establishing a strong bond with your baby after birth can be a difficult but also, an incredibly rewarding journey. By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can cultivate a loving and nurturing environment that supports your baby's development and strengthens your relationship.
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