Chapter 1: Expecting the Unexpected. How our Journey Started

I knew right away when a ghostly line appeared on the grainy black screen as the consultant slathered gel on my already ballooning belly. He let out a little chuckle and proclaimed, “Here’s baby number one!” Then he shot a glance at me, then at David, then back to me, with a grin, "You weren’t expecting that, were you?"

I turned to David, who looked like he’d just seen a ghost—pale as a sheet, eyes glued to the screen as two tiny figures popped into view, side by side. Four arms, four legs, and two adorable little heads.

The consultant waved his magic wand across my belly again. David, still in shock, blurted out, “Wait, two babies?”

“Yup, you heard it right—definitely two in there!”

For a few minutes, it was all clicks and beeps while the consultant measured our little munchkins. I was entranced, watching them dance on the screen like it was the world’s cutest shadow puppet show.

Finally, I got to escape the bed, wipe off the goo, and take a much-needed bathroom break. Once inside, I exhaled a breath I didn’t even know I was holding—who knew carrying twins could be so mind-blowing? Tears streamed down my face as I shook like a leaf, splashed some water on my hands, and took a moment before heading back. The consultant handed us some fuzzy pictures and laid out the next steps. David and I strolled out of the room in stunned silence, but as soon as we hit the hallway, we burst into laughter like we’d just won the lottery!

We were completely floored when we found out we were having twins! We instantly called up our families to share the news of our dynamic duo, and the reaction was a delightful mix of giggles and jaw-drops. “Only Beth could pull this off; who needs the easy route?” Some of friends and family really needed a bit of convincing—only when we flashed the scan pictures, with the labels, ‘Twin A’ and ‘Twin B’ did they finally believe us! Honestly, we could hardly wrap our heads around it ourselves. It was a whirlwind of feelings, and even now, I have to pinch myself to believe they're here, zooming around, causing chaos, and swinging from the ceiling like tiny a tornado.

Our path to parenthood was far from easy. When I first met David, I was in a very dark place, grappling with depression following an abusive relationship. At that moment, I didn’t recognise my struggles, but upon returning home, I felt broken and lost. The trauma and pain seemed to intertwine like a serpent, and I had completely lost myself, straggled by the darkness. I struggled to make decisions, felt pressured to conform in my appearance, and was consumed by a fear of not meeting others' expectations, which led me to sacrifice my own needs for the sake of pleasing others. I felt scared and vulnerable, and I attempted to mask my pain by drinking too much and partying late into the night, which only trapped me in a cycle of negativity that fuelled my depression and anxiety. At one point, I was on 500mg of Fluoxetine, which numbed my pain and everything else around me. I found no joy in life, and much of that time has now faded from my memory. During this challenging period, I isolated myself from others, losing friends along the way. While this saddens me, I believe it was a necessary part of my healing process. Without it, I might not have met David. I often tell people, when they ask how or where our paths crossed, “We found each other in Lost.” When we met, I was just beginning to emerge from the deep darkness that had engulfed me for two years; I had started running and was determined to change my habits and discontinue the medication that made me feel like I was trudging through quicksand. I took up wild water swimming, venturing to Dartmoor to plunge into the icy waters at Hexworthy or diving into the sea in Paignton. It felt like I was finally turning a corner. 

I met David after a damp run while stopping at our local for a glass of water, where I encountered a well-dressed man with the most beautiful blue eyes and the gentlest smile. I was instantly captivated. We struck up a conversation, and throughout it, I wished I had chosen something other than my black hoodie and leggings, and that I had taken the time to shower. I don’t recall much from our first chat because I was so anxious, but I do remember his kindness and genuine interest in me, despite my messy hair and lack of makeup. He had the perfect blend of charm, wit, and compassion, and I could tell he possessed a kind soul. 

Unbeknownst to me at the time, David had just returned from his first date since his marriage ended. He later told me it was a disaster, yet he felt it was meant to happen that way; otherwise, we might never have crossed paths. I find it truly enchanting that we met at such a pivotal moment in our lives. Both of us were at a crossroads, making individual choices about our futures, and our encounter changed everything.

I was preparing to move to Bristol for a fresh start and a new job, while David was navigating a challenging separation, fighting for access to his three-year-old son. That summer, we spent most of our time together—sharing meals, watching movies, singing, playing guitar, and enjoying local bands. Our friends were somewhat skeptical of our relationship, and our families were concerned about how quickly things were progressing, especially given my mental health.

I met David in August 2016, and by September, I had moved in with him following a song he had sung to me. He had written me a song and sent it to me in a message, I remember it clearly, getting a little ping on my phone and seeing a message from him—my heart giddy listening to the words “Let Our Forts Collide.” It was a song about taking chances and stepping into the unknown together—after all, we had been through the worst. It was hopeful and ever so romantic. I met his family in October, and soon after, I decided to introduce him to my parents. They were understandably apprehensive. My dad worried that if things went wrong, they would have to pick up the pieces, especially since I was still very vulnerable, but we were determined. That now seems a lifetime ago; David was with me through some of my really difficult days as I struggled to keep out the darkness. When things were good, they were amazing, but when they were bad, I could barely breathe, wanting an escape. I was like a base jumper, standing on the edge of an abyss without a parachute. It was both terrifying and exhilarating. It’s difficult to understand when you may not have experienced depression. I was manic and fulled by alcohol it was easy to fall prey to the darkness but still, there was hope and David carried that torch which lead me down a path to find new health, friends, new routines and new love for myself. I decided to hit the gym regularly and stop drinking and soon I was no longer taking the pills. I could finally breathe again. I found myself, I found strength and I wanted to live life!

It was with this strength that I was able to support David when his burden became too heavy for him to carry. “He was bought into the world fighting and he’s been fighting ever since.” These are the words his father uses to describe his son, smiling proudly through tear filled eyes. His son now a man, was born in 1981 on a bitterly cold February day. He reminisces a moment; there was snow settling on the ground like fresh linen over the grey hospital carpark. The tiny newborn, two months premature, wheeled across to the NICU tentatively hanging on the delicate thread between life and death. 

Fast forward and he was being crushed by a weight of fighting all his life from the day he was born through to school, to apprenticeship, to keeping a failing business afloat to desperately jumping through hoops to get access to his son after a marriage breakdown. It was now my turn to hold the torch of hope and help David find his way out. David was on a mission of self destruction when he disappeared, he sent me a cryptic message which sent ice through my body, I knew I had to find him. I raced around trying to find him, calling his phone to no avail. I was panic stricken, wondering where he was- terrified that he had done the worst. I ran up and down roads, called friends and only when I had stopped half way up a road did I hear his sobbing. Crumpled like discarded paper, I found him on the side of the road. He was a shell of a man in really dark place. I had managed to get David to his feet and we walked home slowly, I held him so tightly- I wasn’t ready for him to throw it all away now. 

After some persuasion I got him to go to the doctor and asked him to take a letter with him. I had had my suspicions that David was autistic when I met him and had given him a letter outlining my observations and what I thought to give to the the doctor. It took a while but David finally had an appointment to be assessed for Autism and,  in meantime, he was given the dreaded Fluoxetine, which did actually help to manage his low mood but David soon decided he didn’t want to take it anymore. I kept my eye on him and tried to keep things positive, holding that torch of hope and together,  making plans for our future. 

David went for his assessment and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. For David this was mind-blowing, he was finally able to put all those missing pieces together and understand why simple things bothered him so much, why people who didn’t follow logic infuriated him and why he was so fascinated by detail. It was like a huge weight had been lifted, he realised he wasn’t a failure, he was wired differently and now he could learn how to mange it better. The diagnosis helped him understand his strengths and weaknesses, and how to manage his challenges. David was empowered to advocate for himself and pull himself out of the darkness with the relief that there is a scientific reason for the way his brain worked. And with that, he decided he would help others who may be in a similar situation. Through helping others, David transformed himself and saved us both from a fate of our own creation by changing how we view our world. He is the real hero of this first chapter.

Throughout our journey, we've experienced numerous ups and downs, much like everyone else, because that's just life. How dull it would be if challenges didn't arise!

We've come to realise that we are two imperfect individuals navigating an imperfect world, learning from our mistakes along the way. It's safe to say we've figured some things out, and we "escaped" our old life. We chose to leave Seaside behind, along with our monotonous routines and unappreciated jobs, in search of better opportunities in the Cotswolds. Just a week after making this decision, we found a tiny house, and shortly after that, we moved in. We made six trips along the M5, transporting our belongings and pets from Devon to Gloucester. The final journey brought back our two cats and a gecko. During the ride, the cats attempted several escape manoeuvres from their boxes, and I was terrified of having a cat in my lap while driving at 70 mph! Thankfully, we managed to secure their boxes, but we were serenaded by their wails for two and a half hours! With the radio blasting at full volume, we made our way to the countryside. It truly was the best decision we'd ever made!

Embracing the unknown with smiles, ready for whatever surprises await us by the river's edge.